by Ronna Lichtenberg
(Excerpt from It's Not Business, It's Personal.)
Here's an easy-to-swallow metaphor for your career, the relationship diet plan. It's just a way of thinking. This diet may be Atkins and what you need is Pritikin, but take a quick spin through it for some inspiration on how to get relationship variety in your day.
Dr. Ronna's Rules for Healthy Relationship Consumption
Eat Tons of Veggies
Got a boss? If so, he or she is the vegetable of this food pyramid, and this time vegetables are at the bottom -- the base. You need to fortify yourself with your boss and managers more than any other food group for obvious reasons. They pay you, they can make your work life easier or harder, and they can fire you.
But even more important for your ultimate career success is they most likely know a lot more about your profession than you do. And they can, if willing to do so, teach you ways to advance in your career.
Bosses can introduce you to other important people in your field, they can lead you toward the more exciting clients and projects, and they can help you solve problems. Pound for pound, they carry more value than any other type of person you'll come in contact with in your career.
As you put together your career eating plan, don't skimp on bosses. Just like vegetables, try to have frequent small servings every day.
Eat Moderate Amounts of Protein Frequently
Strictly Limit Your Intake of Fats
ã 2001 Ronna Lichtenberg. Used by permission from Hyperion Publishing.
Go for Grains
Grains are the people who make your work life easier, who do what you do or who are essential to getting your task done.
They are the colleagues in your organization who are at your level or below, people who work on different aspects of the same projects you do or joint venture partners.
They are the people who give you energy, fuel your ideas and not only nourish you but fill you up. They are the ones you see every day, who work alongside you and form the solid core of your daily routine.
Because they're staples, it's easy to take them for granted. Whole-grain toast doesn't seem very festive -- until it isn't there.
ã 2001 Ronna Lichtenberg. Used by permission from Hyperion Publishing
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Watch the Dairy
You need dairy products to build strong bones, and in your career, think of the people who advise you as dairy: lawyers, accountants, financial advisors, risk managers and consultants. These people have roles that are important in your career but need to be taken in moderation. After all, too many dairy products can be hard to digest.
Think about it: If you start to rely too strongly on the advice of lawyers, accountants or any advisor for that matter, you lose the broader picture. By definition, their focus is narrower than yours.
Dairy people's jobs and agenda are to protect you. That means there are certain risks that it's their business to advise you against -- particularly, relationship risks. They've seen so many relationships go bad over deals that they're cautious. They're always thinking of the worst-case scenario.
You have a deal with someone and then you introduce intermediaries into the mix, and there's a chance that someone will get upset. In addition, lawyers are paid to make things specific, which can slow things down and stress primary relationships.
Relationships centered on doing deals can feel like Saturday night; lawyers make it feel like Sunday morning. Your job is to work out a good way to get through Sunday mornings. My friend, Tank, has a system for this. He will shake hands over the general deal logistics and let the lawyers, accountants, etc., talk to one another. He does the conceptual work and then lets the dairy team manage the details. If a problem arises, he waits until it comes back up the food chain and addresses it with the first person he made the deal with.
The other thing to watch is whether you're using dairy out of habit or real need. There are some trust-based relationships I have where I make a deal, and I don't use Larry, my incredibly able lawyer (much to his dismay). Our deal is that he's willing to honor my relationship values unless he sees something that really makes him uncomfortable. When that happens, I listen.
If you ingest dairy to the extreme, you'll lose the ability to keep things moving along. You have the larger perspective on your career path. Make sure to keep it that way.
ã 2001 Ronna Lichtenberg. Used by permission from Hyperion Publishing.
Eat Moderate Amounts of Protein Frequently
Proteins are your revenue sources: clients, accounts and customers. Of course, you need enough of them to sustain yourself. They are a high source of your energy and business strength.
But you need to make sure they are high quality and carry a big punch. Too many too fast, and you'll get fat before you know it. Proteins are the hardest to digest. They take the most effort and overwhelm the other nutrients; too much is bad for your kidneys.
It's hard to stop yourself from overindulging in protein -- after all, it's where your strength comes from. But beware: If you don't consume in moderation and take on too many revenue sources too quickly, you won't be able to digest them. They'll throw your system off balance. You'll end up leaving them -- and you -- unfulfilled and looking for sustenance elsewhere.
ã 2001 Ronna Lichtenberg. Used by permission from Hyperion Publishing.
Have Limited Amounts of Fruit
Think of people who work in the communications world as fruit: the commentators, the media, the trend trackers, the analysts and the Internet. They're a quick, sweet burst of energy; they keep things moving. They're good for you, because they can give you information. But remember, they're mostly sugar and burn up quickly. It's best to balance them with other nutrients.
ã 2001 Ronna Lichtenberg. Used by permission from Hyperion Publishing.
Avoid Alcohol
Alcohol can be fun, it can be seductive, and it can make a good time feel better or make a tough time feel easier. But it can overwhelm you if you're not careful.
There are people you come in contact with in your professional career who will take the role of alcohol in your nutrition plan. They are the ones who carry big emotional charges; they push your buttons and get under your skin in either a good or bad way. They are the people you think about more than you should, the people you obsess about, the ones you want either to kill, sleep with or both.
Jane Grenley is a senior vice president for development in a toy manufacturing company. She manages a large creative staff who comes up with new toy and game ideas every day. While it sounds like fun, in Jane's staff, like in any creative team, tempers can run very high. And the stress level of managing such a group causes Jane many sleepless nights.
The one thing that causes her more sleepless nights, though, is Leslie Quinn, the senior vice president of corporate communications, her colleague at the company. Both women report to the CEO.
Jane, by nature, is slightly reserved and very smart. Leslie is wildly extroverted, incredibly funny and charming, and says whatever is on her mind whether or not she has thought about it first. She often unwittingly insults members of the creative team with her off-the-cuff comments about their work. And, because she is fun to be around and is often the center of attention, the CEO enjoys her company. He often seems to be giving her more than her fair share of attention.
Leslie makes Jane's blood boil. Jane frets over how close Leslie seems to be with the CEO; she is quickly angered over what she perceives as slights in Leslie's comments about the creative team's work, and she spends way too much of her time thinking of what she should have said in response to Leslie at corporate meetings. And the thing that Jane finds hardest to acknowledge is that she finds herself drawn to Leslie's gregarious personality as well.
To Jane, Leslie is alcohol, and she needs to be completely avoided or taken in tiny doses. Leslie has the power to intoxicate Jane. Her acts go right to Jane's head, and they make Jane do things she might not otherwise do, things that could prove embarrassing. Jane has had to stop herself several times from saying bitchy things to the CEO about Leslie or from attacking Leslie personally at meetings -- both of which make her look unprofessional and petty.
Jane has to have the discipline of a 12-step lifetime member as far as Leslie is concerned. She must avoid her as much as possible, and when she has no choice, she must keep her lips dry. She has to remember that indulging even once could be a big mistake.
ã 2001 Ronna Lichtenberg. Used by permission from Hyperion Publishing.
Strictly Limit Your Intake of Fats
Fats are fun. They taste good, they go down easily, and they add richness and pleasure. Too much is not good for you, but, damn it, we just can't stop ourselves once we start.
In a career, fats are the people we like to waste time with -- our office buddies, our email pals, our industry friends. These are the people who call you to gossip and have nothing really to say, the people who have the time to send you endless emails with "thoughts of the day'' or, God help us, e-chain letters. The office people we go to lunch with just to complain.
Our relationships with these people feel good. They're soothing, they go down easily, and they're comforting.
They are not as charged as the alcoholic ones, but they can be just as bad for you. They dull you, and make you fat and lazy. They soften the edges; they fill you up and don't leave room for the things you really need.
ã 2001 Ronna Lichtenberg. Used by permission from Hyperion Publishing.
Eat Small Amounts of Sugar
These are the people who are paid to be nice to you.
People in the old days called sugar people "yes-men." Most people have "yes'' moments, especially when they think you need it. Here's a tale of one of mine:
I was getting ready for an interview on "60 Minutes" with Mike Wallace as the representative for my old company. It wasn't a happy story, and I figured the least I could do was look good. When my makeup and hair were done, the woman who did my hair gushed on and on for about 15 minutes about how great my makeup looked. When I showed up at the studio, Mike asked me if I wanted them to do my makeup, which should have told me something but didn't. I said no. After all, the woman who did my hair said I looked great, even though a small voice inside was telling me the tiny clumps of fake eyelashes looked reminiscent of Miss Piggy.
The segment turned out fine: "60 Minutes" wasn't too happy, and my company wasn't too unhappy. I looked terrible -- awful. In fact, I've never received so many calls from people saying, "Ronna, what happened?"
What happened was I listened to someone who told me what I wanted to hear instead of what I needed to hear.
Sugar people are supposed to make you feel good. They tell you what you want to hear, they do what you tell them to do, and they don't argue. They want you to be nice to them, they want you to buy what they offer, and they want your approval. And they'll do whatever they need to in order to get it.
And you know what? In moderation, that's fine. It feels good to be kissed-up to, and what's the harm? As long as we are sure these people aren't lying, cheating or pulling a fast one on us, the only harm is in the time it takes. So focus on the task and limit the time. Get a little sugar rush to keep your energy up. Just don't kid yourself into believing that Hershey's Kisses are the ideal lunch, especially before a big game.
ã 2001 Ronna Lichtenberg. Used by permission from Hyperion Publishing.
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